kellog's

Guy: U ever had a three way with the Kelloggs Guy's
Guy: Snap Crakel And POP
Me: No... I only did Crakel, he's Jewish
Guy: lmao
Me: ☺

Guy: wel I like POp
Me: I heard he cam too quickly
Guy: Yeah
Me: but he could do it over and over again
Me: and everybody knows Snap's a whore
Guy: all them Rice crispy treats
Guy: ☺

Me: that bitch will do anything for crack
Me: and I ain't talking about ass
Guy: I am Crakin up here
Me: ☺

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princesses

::lol:: you know, that's how all these fairy-tale
princesses get in to trouble in the first place...
they are either arms wide open welcoming
every evil witch in disguise that passes
her by or they are hanging out with giants.

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cookies

Whey Protein Chocolate Chip Cookies?
WTF? Those sounds like terrible cookies.

An abomination in the googly eyes
of Our Lord Cookie Monster.
Sacred scripts dictate that you should
sanctify the site with fire
or suffer the wrath of painful
disfigurement and continuous nightmares.

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descent

I might be coming down
from crazy now...just a bit.

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mrs.

Think of the new Mrs. as the
guy your ex settled on for less.

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internet

God has nothing to do with the internet.
That's all Satan's work.

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sugar

::looks up from a bag of sugar::

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crazy

No one has ever seen me do crazy in here before.

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scream

Imma just gonna go scream... brb.

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moment

I'm having one of those
regret-inspired psycho moments.

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drink

It's happy-hour at the man-hole.

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ugly

We all know ugly when we see it.

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conversation

I'm not even reading it half the time, and
I am at least 80% of the conversation.

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christmas

I'm glad sex is optional at Christmas.

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eyes

If my eyes roll anymore over the absurdity
of what you just stated, my optic nerves will
sever and my eyes will fall out of my head.

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thought

That thought seems so far beyond ridiculous
that I don't even know where it would be located.
The Twilight Zone maybe, but somehow even there
seems too rational a place to find such a thought.

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age

McCain is so old that he makes
Phyllis Diller look like Brittany Spears.

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ass

Yes, the pic... I get all sorts of
attention now that I put my
ass up on the screen.

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bar

When the lights came up, oddly, everyone
still seemed reasonably attractive.

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laughter

::looks up all teary-eyed and screams::
"Good! I hope you choke
and die on your laughter!"

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